Tentatively Tasmanian

Bev at Sunday Stealing has been a blog legend for yonks now, and puts out a list of questions for bloggers suffering from writer’s block to consider, answer and share.

I’ve snaffled her latest series of questions and will attempt to answer them below.

If your house was on fire, which three items would you save?

My husband, my phone and my medication.

What is the strangest or most awkward date you’ve ever been on?

Ohhhh, cast your minds back, way waaaaay back to the summer of ’92 in London. I was at a friend’s house party in Clapham and she had made an enormous lasagne tray of raspberry jelly, using vodka instead of water to set it. She served dollops of it into coffee cups and soon after her flatmate decided to fold up the ironing board and ‘surf’ down the back steps into the communal garden. Later we heard that she’d broken her collar bone, but only after waking up with her face firmly lodged in a lavender bush.

Anyhow, I got chatting to a big, strappingly handsome Kiwi. He enjoyed rugby, was here to travel and have fun before resuming his accounting degree back home. We hit it off and I gave him my work number. I did not have a phone at my humble bedsit; there was a public phone that rang continually that no-one bothered to answer.

He phoned me promptly on Monday and I felt so attractive and flattered and, well, in demand, I instantly said yes to meeting him at Kings Cross and going to a party with him.

On Saturday I approached him with slower and slower steps. If Beer Goggles are a thing, then Vodka Jelly Goggles are even crueller. He was wearing a white pair of loafers that you could have canoed across the Thames in, and what I mistook for good old Kiwi wit and humour was in reality, a bloke built like an inverted pyramid with an IQ rather less than his enormous shoe size. I endured the date for as long as I could and then took an (expensive) taxi home. NEVER give out your number when vodka is in your system!

What are your biggest fears?

Most of them are too sad and personal for this flibbertygibbet blog, but I’ll add huntsman spiders anywhere inside my house or car; losing my husband and being unable to make any new friends.

How do you spend your time when you are procrastinating?

Well, on here for starters. Plus my house (even this air BnB) gets a good cleaning; the shops are visited, dough kneaded, dogs patted, emails stared at and Facebook scrolled through.

What has been your most memorable birthday so far, and why?

My fiftieth. Craig* organised for around 12 of us to meet in London and stay in a large share house – great food, a catered party, lots of laughs and surrounded by incredible people that I love and cherish.

What is your favorite snack?

For anyone who remembers my ‘Gone Chocco’ days, it was always chocolate. Breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Now that I’m back, I studiously avoid the choccy aisle as I’m still trying to get my head around the insane prices and it has resulted in a significant drop in appetite. So for now, it has been salt and vinegar crinkle cut chips, apples and mandarins. And a cup of instant coffee which disgusts Craig no end. We are eagerly awaiting the arrival of our shipping container which has the beloved DeLonghi coffee machine in it, but I’m capable of reverting right back to instant for my caffeine hit at home. I know; I disappoint myself too.

What was your first pet?

A beautiful tabby cat that was my gift, but my mother named him Socks because of his white feet, soon amended to Sox. I was disappointed with her choice of name at the time, this was soon forgotten as Sox firmly lodged himself in my heart. He was almost like a dog. He would run to greet you, scoot into the caravan while we were packing to go on holiday and when you cuddled him he would put his paws around your neck and rub his face against yours. In my teen years, my mates adored him as well and we briefly had a ‘Sox Appreciation Society.’ This was shortlived as there were many classmates who saw that hand-written graffiti on our school bags and assumed that it was a rather different society.

What’s your favorite city in your country?

Do I say Adelaide because I’m South Australian, or Darwin because we loved being up there for the two years Craig was posted there, or the three times we moved to Melbourne (Flemington in a humble flat; or the fixer-upper ex-housing commission clinker brick in Heidelberg Heights; or back to Flemington into a tiny but well organised cottage that had no parking space so our magna would have kebab wrappers dropped on it by drunks wandering back from nightclubbing in the city) or here, Hobart? Of course I have also holidayed in Sydney and Perth, but I’m going to say Hobart. I’m looking forward to moving into our house, being part of a community again and exploring what it has to offer.

Do you have a garden?

We will have. A small one, but it has raised beds with lots of veges already planted. I’m going to have to school myself up in vege growing because I’d love to continue keeping them alive.

What is your favorite thing about your home town?

Murray Bridge, South Australia. It was a great place to grow up in the 1970s and it amused me that it was the most literally named town I could think of. We were on the Murray River and there was a bridge there. Murray Bridge. Sorted! Also, it has a bunyip at Sturt reserve and he would raise himself out of the water and growl if you inserted 20 cents or a paddle pop stick into the slot. He’d thrill and frighten me so much a bit of wee would come out.

What was the last book you read?

After Martin Amis died, I realised that I had never read any of his stuff, so I started with ‘The Rachel Papers.’ So lurid that every asthmatic hawk into the bathroom basin and every sexual move he made was so realistic and so grotty it was both hilarious and icky.

What is the best book you have ever read?

How can anyone answer this? It depends on my mood, the time of day, what my brain can remember. I’ll fling a few out there: To kill a mockingbird, Exodus, Poland, Catch 22, Pride and Prejudice, The history of the dog in the night time, The book thief, anything by Bill Bryson and Clive James.

Who is your favorite author?

Can’t answer that.

Is there a food that you hate?

PUMPKIN. The gag reflex kicks in, especially if it served on its own, plain, roasted, steamed or boiled. My parents were very strict about us clearing our plates, but even they gave up at forcing me to ingest the devil’s dumpling. And DON’T GET ME STARTED ON SWEET POTATO. That’s just pumpkin in disguise!

Do you get along with your neighbors?

We did in France and the landlady of our Air BnB is a good old stick.

Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

Three tattoos (wrist, ankle and near my hip). Thinking of enhancing the wrist tattoo to make it circle around my entire wrist but it’s rather a long way down on my list of priorities. Pierced ears but I tend to keep sleepers in because wearing glasses and fancy earrings gives me the air of a slightly insane semi-retired drama teacher.

*Craig is used instead of his real name.